Forgiveness

( Intermediate Level )

As Allison and her husband, Craig, sat in the courtroom listening to the defendant, the defendant who had recklessly chosen to get behind the wheel of his car while he was intoxicated, she wept.

This man had taken the life of their daughter Anna Marie, who just months prior received her driver’s license. She would have started her junior year in high school and had so much promise in her future.

The judge had asked if the defendant wanted to say something before he was sentenced. Mr. Brown shook his head in affirmation.

“Thank you, Your honor. I can give you all kinds of excuses to say why I got behind the wheel that night but I am not. I should have just stayed home but I didn’t.”

“You see, your honor, I lost my wife and our unborn child while my wife was giving birth a month prior to the accident. Complications set in and the doctors tried to save them or at least my wife but they both died.

“I blame myself. I insisted we start our family while we were still young. My wife never really wanted children. However, she loved me and knew I came from a large family and she reluctantly agreed.”

“As the months went by, my wife was actually getting excited about having our child. Our little girl. Once she felt her move in her stomach she felt differently.”

“We started to set up the nursery next to our bedroom. Decorating with pink flowers and lots of teddy bears. We must have worked on it for a week or so and my wife started feeling a bit under the weather.”

She took it easy for a few days. Resting as she felt so tired. I insisted she make an appointment with the doctor as soon as possible, which she did.”

“She was to see the doctor in two days but something happened the night before her appointment. She doubled over in pain and she wanted to go to the hospital.”

Immediately, we headed to the emergency room. Upon arrival, my wife started to bleed and the pain worsened.”

“All I remember is the doctor saying she was in labor with complications. He took her into surgery hoping to save them both.”

An hour or so passed as I waited outside in the waiting area and the doctor came out and told me that he tried his best but they both had died.”

Mr. Brown’s voice began to crack as he held back his tears. “I lost, Your Honor, the love of my life, and my little girl that night. Life has not been the same since.”

“I cannot bring myself to sleep in the bed which I shared with my wife nor can I walk past the empty nursery.”

“I lost my job after a week. My boss understood what I was going through but he had no choice but to let me go.”

“I lost my willpower to continue living and the only thing that made me forget was the whiskey. It dulled my pain until I sobered up. So for me not to feel my pain I drank again. And again and again.”

Allison’s sobs grew louder. She felt his anguish. Craig put his arm around her and drew her in closer to him.

“That night I had to leave the house. The walls were coming down on me as my world did that night in the hospital. I grabbed my keys to get the hell out of there.”

“The next thing I remember, Your Honor, is waking up with a splitting headache with my wrist handcuffed to the hospital bed. It wasn’t until later that day I heard what I had done and I regret it to this day. I was irresponsible.”

He turned slightly in his chair to face Allison and Craig, “I am so sorry for what I took from you. I am not asking for your forgiveness, just understanding. That night was not who I am.”

Allison buried her face deep in her husband’s shoulder trying to hold back her tears. Mr. Brown turned back around to face the judge once again.

“We will take a recess and continue after lunch. Thank you Mr. Brown for sharing your story. When we come back we will hear from the parents before sentencing” The judge slammed his gavel down. Everyone stood as he left the courtroom.

Lunch break was an hour and a half. Both Craig and Allison didn’t feel like eating. Instead they sat at a local café mulling over if they wanted to speak. Craig felt he wouldn’t have anything nice to say so he opted not to.

Allison, on the other hand, felt she had much to say. Ï am going to speak from my heart.” she told her husband. “Ï believe we owe to ourselves and to Anna Marie.”

For the remaining forty-five minutes they sat there without speaking. Allison sipped her coffee and watched the people pass by the café’s window.

The two walked slowly to the courthouse dreading the afternoon session. This will be the most difficult thing for Allison. Face the man who took her daughter from her and speak.

They reached the courthouse and went inside. Allison looked over at the benches by the courtroom where they were to go to see an older couple sitting there. She figures they were about ten years or so older than her and her husband.

They were holding each other’s hands and talking quietly to each other. She doesn’t remember seeing them in the courtroom earlier.

The bailiff opened the double doors and nodded to both couples. It was the signal that the court session was about to resume. Allison and her husband entered and sat in the seats they had earlier.

The other couple sat behind the defense side of the room. At this moment Alison realized they must be either Mr. Brown’s parents or his deceased wife’s.

Mr. Brown was led into the courtroom. He saw his parents sitting as he entered. His mother looked like she hadn’t slept in days. As he sat his handcuffs were removed.

He turned to his mother and mouthed, “It will be ok Mom. I love you.” He then glanced at his dad. They locked eyes for a moment before he turned back around. This did not go unnoticed by Allison.

Within moments the bailiff was echoing “All rise. The court will now go into session. Please rise as the honorable Judge Smith enters the courtroom.” The judge entered carrying a stack of papers never looking towards the occupants of the room.

As he sat the bailiff was heard again. “Please be seated.” The judge seemed to organize the papers into stacks then he looked up towards the room.

This case was a difficult one for him. He too is a father of two teenage girls and he could feel the pain of both sides in this case before him.

The judge quickly summarized the morning session and then asked,” We will take a few moments to hear from the parents of the victim. After this, I will make a decision in this case..”

Allison took a deep breath and stood to address both the judge and Mr. Brown. She glanced over at his parents who were looking with great sadness in their eyes.

Allison looked down for a moment to compose herself and her thoughts then looked directly at the judge.

“Your Honor, If I was to speak this morning I may have had different things to say to you. My husband and I took this break to do some deep soul searching after what Mr. Brown told the courtroom this morning.”

“We realize, I realize he lost not one but two that were precious to him. Yes, He was irresponsible in getting behind the wheel of his car that night. Sure, he could have sought counseling to deal with his grief, but he didn’t.”

She turned towards Mr. Brown, “I can stand here before you and be angry at you for what you did but I am not. I hurt for you. I know the pain and sorrow you are feeling.

“My husband and I feel the same. I see your parents in the courtroom and I do not want to give them more pain than they feel now.” She glanced back at them and saw his mother’s tears.

“I forgive you, Mr. Brown. Nothing will bring back my daughter, your wife, or your little girl and I am sorry. We are entitled to make a mistake here and there. I hope this is one mistake you never make again”

She looked down again and rubbed the top of one hand then she looked up to the judge. “Your Honor, My husband and I lost our little girl. Our only child but Mr. Brown lost also.”

“I can ask you for the maximum sentence allowed by the laws but I will not. It won’t bring back those who we’ve lost. Instead, I would like to see Mr. Brown begin to heal as we will.”

“His parents have suffered enough too. So I stand here before you asking that he be released with mandatory counseling to help him deal with his loss. My husband agrees with this. We forgive him.”

She sat next to her husband and felt like a huge burden had been lifted. It was time for their journey to healing. Allison and Craig had taken the first step. Forgiveness. Now it was time for Mr. Brown to forgive himself.

Written By: Angel

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Thoughts From Angel:

Forgiveness allows you to move forward in life whether it is forgiving yourself or others.

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Vocabulary:

intoxicated – adjective: drunk

wept – verb: shed tears

complications – noun: a circumstance that complicates something; a difficulty

reluctantly – adverb: unwilling and hesitant 

under the weather – idiom: ill, not feeling well

sobered up – phrasal verb: to become less drunk

irresponsible – adjective: not showing responsibility

recess – noun: a period of time when the proceedings of a court of law are temporarily suspended

gavel – noun: a small mallet with which a judge hits a surface to call for attention or order

mulling – verb: to think about

opted – verb: to make a choice

speak from my (one’s) heart – idiom: to speak or say something with deep emotional sincerity

bailiff – noun: an official in a court of law who keeps order, looks after prisoners

locked eyes – idiom: to stare into the eyes of someone who is staring back into your eyes

decision – noun: a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration

soul searching – noun: deep and anxious consideration of one’s emotions and motives or of the correctness of a course of action

counseling – noun: assistance and guidance in resolving personal, social, or psychological problems and difficulties, especially by a professional.

entitled – adjective: having a right to something

Question ( s ):

Which is more important to you? Justice or forgiveness?

Would it make a difference if it involved a family member?

Charlie, A Boy, A Man, My Dad

silhouette of a man during sunset

( Intermediate Level )

Author’s note: “Those who follow me know my writing is completely fiction derived from life circumstances. Today’s story is true and dedicated to my father who passed less than a week ago. The raw emotions that well up inside you at that moment are sometimes difficult to express. I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you, my readers.”

As my dad walks towards his final resting place, those of us left behind mourn his passing. I reflect on the moments we shared together…

Those heated arguments I had with him as a teenager. I know he wanted the best for me but at the time, I felt he was unfair.

I reflect on the many times I laughed at him when his temper got the best of him. When he saw I was laughing at him it made him even madder…

Great memories!

But most of all, I think of those three tiny words I should have said more often, “Ï love you, Dad.”

My mom said , “He knew.” Still, there isn’t a reason why I hadn’t said it more often.

I told myself over and over again that I wouldn’t grow up to be like my dad. Guess what?

I did.”

I hear myself saying words that he said to me saying them to others. I take a step back and gasp, “Oh, I sound just like my dad!

I was told I was just like him in many ways but truth be told I didn’t believe it. I thought everyone was crazy until I got older…

Yes, I am just like my father.

A great portion of his life was spent in a group home. His life was filled with many obstacles that any young person shouldn’t have to experience.

He kept private, in these matters so honestly, I do not know much about his past. Maybe it was his way of protecting the ones around him, or not wanting sympathy, or it was a way to forget the past…

I will never know. Maybe I should have asked more questions.

When my mom told me he wanted comfort care only, I said, “He needed to fight. Tell him! Tell him to fight! He shouldn’t give up!”

I swore. It was my only response to him saying this .Of course, my mom told my dad I said, “$*#^(@@$&,” and she could see him smile behind the oxygen mask.

Once I was told of his choice of comfort care only he left this world within hours.. It was as if he wanted me to know and somehow be ok with it.

How unfair was it of me to ask such a thing? Ask him not to give up. Just for me. Because I wasn’t ready. Ready for him to go.”

He didn’t want machines keeping his body going. He somehow found peace by wanting to leave this world. He wanted his dignity and to go without suffering.

He did just this. He is at peace now and will be missed…

“I love you.”

Written By: Angel

Thoughts From Angel:

In loving memory of my father,

Until we meet again……

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Vocabulary:

mourn – verb: feeling of deep sadness or sorrow

reflect – verb: think deeply or carefully

heated – adjective: conviction

truth be told – idiom: truth or real facts spoken

obstacles noun: blocks or blocks or hinders progress

sympathy – noun: sharing feelings of sadness

comfort care – noun:  a form of medical care that focuses on relieving symptoms and optimizing comfort 

unfair – adjective: unreasonable

dignity -noun: sense of pride

suffering – noun: pain or distress

Question ( s ):

No questions this week. Just a time to reflect……..Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to share my thoughts.