#understanding Archives : Angel's Thoughts to Pen

The Truths Behind My Photographs

( Advanced Level )

As I look through the lens, I think, if only they listened. If only they knew how I felt, maybe things would be different. Maybe the outcome would be different.

My future was planned for me. I did not have a choice. I was expected to be much more than I could be. I tried. Studying was not easy for me.

I was easily distracted by the world around me. The sky. The trees. The flowers. Those children are running to catch a butterfly.

I saved all my money to buy my first camera. I was elated that now I could capture what I saw and keep those memories forever.

My mother said I should have saved my money for something much more important, like my future. She didn’t understand that I wanted photography to be my future.

I dared not disobey my parents. I was raised to respect and listen no matter how I felt or what I desired. This was accepted and being the only child, I wanted to make them proud.

I didn’t have friends that I could talk with and my mother was way too busy with her professional career to listen to an idle teenager.

So I turned to my camera. Somehow, when I looked through the lens, all the troubles went away. My mother’ comments, “Why can’t you do better? You need to study more.”

I express myself through my photos. On those sad or frustrating days, my photos expressed just this. As of late, they showed flowers wilting, shriveling on their stems, or a baby bird that fell from its nest clinging on to life.

On those better days, my pictures were pleasant. The sun shining through the leaves or a bird hunting insects, happy to bring the prize back to their young.

The one who really understood me was my father’s sister, my aunt. She had traveled to other countries and seen how the world was different. It was ok to express yourself or be yourself and follow your dreams.

We talked when she visited our home, which wasn’t often. She was a self-made businesswoman. She created an international clothing line for working women. She laughs now at those who didn’t believe in her.

“One day your parents will understand that the world around us has changed. We are free to choose our own destiny. Until then you must listen to them. You will be an adult soon and you will be free to make your own choice.”

My aunt’s words comforted me, for a time. Then the words faded into an abyss as I struggled with my studies. It was my last year of high school and my mother expected me to major in medicine or education when entering the university.

“How could I tell my parents this is not what I wanted to do?”

Final exams were less than one month away, not to mention the entrance exams for the university. The competition to enter the top universities was fierce and and a few openings having full marks was of utmost importance.

As much as I wanted I couldn’t get the marks needed to enter any of those top universities they had chosen for me. It wasn’t in me.

On final exam day, I found myself very anxious. I knew if I scored well, my parents would insist on the majors they picked for me, and in my heart, this isn’t what I wanted.

If I did poorly then my parents would be ashamed. It is all about what grades your child gets, their looks, and their parent’s status. I didn’t understand this. “Why couldn’t we be judged and loved for who we are?”

I took a deep breath and headed out to the school. “Do your absolute best, I expect nothing less,” mom said as she saw me leave. My heart was not into this. All I could do was try.

I sat there as the instructor said, “Open your exams and begin.” I wished I was somewhere other than here. I opened my booklet and began.

The time was up. It seemed like I had just begun. The instructor asked us to put our pencils down. I took one last look and realized I had finished half a page out of five. I passed my test to the front of the room and left. The scores would be in a week from now.

I didn’t have to wait for the results to come in. I knew I had done poorly. Before I heard the wrath of my parents, especially my mother. I called my aunt. “Hi Auntie, I want to talk, I was wondering if I could come over?” “Sure, what’s the special occasion?” “I just want to talk”

I arrived at my auntie’s house thirty minutes later. She noticed the overstuffed backpack that I hurriedly packed with what clothes I wanted, and commented, “Hey kiddo, what’s all this? Are you running away?“

With a huge sigh, “Yes. Not running, just leaving. I took my final exams and I just blanked. It makes no sense for me to take any university entrance exams. I would fail them also.

“I want to be a photographer. Can I make it in this world? I am not sure. I may fall flat on my face. I want to at least try. I want this more than anything.”

My aunt looked into my face and saw I was serious. She knew she couldn’t convince me to stay. I didn’t want what my parents wanted for me.

” I will not advise you either way. I will say to you that I totally understand. I had the same pressures on me as you have. Eventuall,y my parents came around and accepted my choice. Maybe yours will do the same.”

“If you are going to do this, put all your heart and mind into it and when you have success please invite me to your first showing,” she hugged me and I knew at that moment she really understood me.

“You have a deal auntie. Do you think my parents will forgive me?”

“It may take a while kiddo but I am sure they will. You are their daughter and their only child. They just cannot forget that.”

I listened to my aunt’s advise and put all my heart and passion into my photos. I bettered myself year after year. My parents never looked for me as I brought shame to their family name. I expected this.

Finally, I did succeed after years of dedication. My talent was requested by many top magazines and agencies. I missed the opportunity to share my journey with my parents.

I eventually had a showing of all my photographs at a prestigious gallery in New York. I sent invitations to both my aunt, as I promised her, and to my parents hoping they would come. I hoped after five years they would have forgiven me.

I stood by my photos, on opening night. My pictures were hung on the walls around me. The lights captured their essence perfectly.

Many people greeted me as they passed me, from dignitaries to the ordinary. I was beyond excited that all these people came to see my work.

“Excellent’

“What an eye you have for detail.”

“ I simply love your work”

My aunt arrived a little after the opening. “I am so glad you made it!” as she kissed her aunt on her cheek, “Mom? Dad?” hoping she knew if they were coming.

“I am sorry. I don’t think they are coming. I tried to talk to your mother but she shut me down. She didn’t want to listen to me. Enough of this. It is your night so show me your exhibit!”

The ones I wanted to come tonight, didn’t. I could let this tear me up inside, but I won’t. I am proud of myself and I will always remember they wanted nothing but the best for me but my best and their best are on different pages.

“

Follow Me On:

Instagram: morningangel847

Twitter: AngelOfTheMorn5

Meta Business Suite: Angels’ s Thoughts to Pen

And coming soon: topenwithangel.com August 2022!!!

Thoughts from Angel:

Parents, please listen to your children. They have dreams that may be different from your dreams. If they make a wrong choice it is ok. Just be there for them when they need you.

Wisdom comes from failure. You stand back up and brush yourself off and move forward once again. Hopefully with you by their side.

If you appreciate what I do and would like to donate to support my efforts:

Vocabulary:

outcome – noun: the way things turn out, end result

distracted -adjective: unable to concentrate

elated -adjective: overly happy

disobey – verb: fail to obey rules

idle – adjective: without purpose or effect; pointless

frustrating – adjective: causing annoyance or upset

as of late – idiomatic: lately, recently

wilting – verb: become limp through heat, loss of water, or disease; droop

self-made – adjective: having become successful by one’s own efforts

destiny – noun: fate

abyss – noun: deep or seemingly bottomless, never-ending

fierce – adjective: aggressive

utmost – adjective: most extreme; greatest

anxious – adjective: worry, unease, or nervousness

poorly -adverb: inadequate

ashamed – adjective: embarrassed

wrath – noun: extreme anger

convince -verb: persuade

advise – noun: guidance or recommendations (not to be confused with advice)

prestigious – adjective: having high status

forgiven – verb: stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone

essence -noun: indispensable quality of something

dignitaries – noun: a person considered to be important

shut me down – verb: reject, strongly discourage, or prevent one from continuing

tear me up – phrasal verb: to make someone feel very unhappy or upset

Question ( s ):

Have you or will you follow your own dreams? Or those of your parents?

My Brother Samuel

( Intermediate Level )

My brother Samuel often received stares from others when we were out in public. People concluded there was something different about him and shied away.

Many made the assumption that mom must have used alcohol or drugs when she was pregnant with him. This is not the case at all. Sam was born with an intellectual disability.

In the past, this was dubbed mental retardation, bringing much hurtful slang towards the ones with these disabilities. These slangs upset my mom terribly.

“My son is just like all others” she argued. “He laughs. plays and does everything your child does. It may take him a little longer to understand but he eventually does.”

I always protected my brother when we were at school. We were 3 grades apart from one another and thankfully, we are at the same school. He always knew where to look for me after school . We would meet up and walk home together.

Some days he would have to wait for me. I was the editor of the school’s newspaper and sometimes we had a short meeting after school. He never minded. He always found something to keep him busy as he waited.

As the school year pressed on, Samuel was more quiet than usual. He was never really quiet around me as he was with strangers. I chuckled somedays as he chattered on about his day . It was hard to keep up with what he was talking about.

“Hey Sam, why are you so quiet? Something bothering you? I asked. Samuel looked up at him “No.” I knew this was not true. Something was. In his own time he would tell me.

I guess a week or so had passed and Samuel wasn’t waiting for me in his usual spot after school. I waited for a few minutes and began to look for him.

I asked a few teachers, when I passed them in the hall, “Have you seen my brother?” and each resounded a “No, they hadn’t.”

It was the last place I looked where I found him. He was huddled up next to the bleachers in the gym. He was covering his head and you could hear him sobbing.

I yelled out, “Sam, what’s wrong?” He looked up at me and you could see a mark on his face which obviously looked as if he was hit. Tears running down his cheeks.

“A bunch of boys kept pushing me around and calling me a retard. I tried to leave but they kept following me. I came in here and one hit me.” I was so angry at this point. I helped him to his feet and wiped off his face. His brother looked at him, ” Am I a …retard?”

“Don’t be silly Sam. You are you. Things in life are a little more difficult for you and may take you longer to do but you are not a retard. Now let’s go home.”

The brothers arrived home and explained everything to their mother. Of course she immediately called the school to alert them on what happened to her son.

A couple of weeks had passed and Samuel was back to himself. The school authorities suspended the students for the rest of the school year for what they did to my brother. I was happy the school took this step towards this type of bullying but I wanted others to know what I felt.

I had asked the principal if I could publish an article, in our school newspaper, regarding this incident. He agreed to allow as long as he approved the contents before it went to publication.

I began writing right away and finished so it could go out in our monthly newspaper. I immediately took it to our principal for him to read the next day.

I knocked on his door and entered. “I have finished my article. Can you read it over so I can make sure it gets published?”

He handed his heartfelt article to the principal and he began to read.

Dear Readers,

Most of you know who my brother Samuel is but do you know him? Have you ever stopped to say hello or have a conversation with him?

Let me tell you about my brother Sam. He is the kindest person I know. He finds good in everything and has the purest heart. If he is capable he would do anything for you.

He has an innocence about him that many do not have. He never judges anyone nor says anything bad about anyone. This is more than I can say about most, including myself.

When my brother was born, I was three, I had no idea of his disability nor do I really see one now. He is my brother. We had our fights growing up but we also shared secrets.

We enjoy playing sports and watching scary movies on TV, even though Mom gets mad at us because we do not go to sleep afterwards.

Does any of this sound different from you?

No.

I do not want to go into details but when Samuel was tormented and hurt by fellow classmates it saddened me more than it made me mad. How could a person do this to another? How could they do this without really knowing Samuel?

Next time you happen to pass my brother in the hallway, why don’t you say hello to him. Get to know him. You will discover what I have about him. He is the best person I know and has taught me a lot. I am proud he is my brother.

Editor / Samuel’s brother

Caleb

The principal finished the article and handed it back to Caleb. “You did a wonderful job with this. Absolutely, send this to print.”

The newspaper came out and Caleb took two copies home with him. He shared one with his Mom and the other with Samuel. He knew Samuel wouldn’t be able to read it so he read the article to him.

As Caleb finished the article and looked up, Samuel leaned in with a bear hug. “I love you too!”

Follow me on:

Instagram: morningangel847

Twitter: AngelOfTheMorn5

Meta Business Suite: Angel’s Thoughts to Pen

Thoughts From Angel:

Is this behavior due to the lack of understanding? Who is to blame for such actions? Is it the parents? The education system?

If you appreciate what I do please support:

Vocabulary:

stares – noun: a long fixed look at someone or something

assumption – noun: accepted as true without proof

concluded – verb: arrive at a judgement

shied – verb: avoid

intellectual disability – noun: limits to a person’s ability to learn at an expected level and function in daily life

dubbed – verb: to give an unofficial name or nickname

slang – noun: very informal words or language used mostly by the younger generation

pressed on – phrasal verb: to continue moving forward in a forceful or steady way

chuckled – verb: laugh quietly

chattered – verb: rapid talking

resounded – verb: echo

huddled up – adjective: to sit in a bent position with your arms and legs close to your body

bleachers – noun: bench seat at a sports arena or gym

sobbing – noun: noisy crying

suspended – verb: to stop someone from going to school whether temporarily or permanently

publication – noun: the act of making an article available for others to read

heartfelt – adjective: sincere

innocence – noun: being innocent

tormented – adjective: physical or mental suffering

bear hug – noun: tight embrace

Question ( s ):

Do you find yourself staring at someone who looks different? Maybe dressed differently or in a wheelchair?

Why do you think we do this?

Twins

( Intermediate Level )

As many twins often do, Susie and Sally grew up enjoying each other’s company. They explored and discovered the world around them, inseparable.

Mothers, always, enjoy dressing their identical twins the same. This would usually confuse others, but somehow, parents always knew who was who.

In Susie’s and Sally’s case it was rather easy. Sally is outspoken and would take risks. Sometimes doing something that her parents would not approve of.

As for Susie, she is the shy one. When it came to developing early skills, her sister was first. Sally was the first to roll over, take her first steps, and say her first words.

This concerned their parents. The doctors, always, reassured them this was normal, and comparing the girls is not a good strategy. “Both Suzie and Sally are perfectly normal, healthy little girls, and will do things at their own time,” they would tell her.

Regardless of what the doctors said, the differences between the girls concerned their mom. She would constantly say to Susie, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” Susie never really understood what her mom meant by this.

As the girls grew older and started school, the differences between the girls grew more obvious. Sally excelled at everything, whereas Suzie struggled. Suzie, eventually, would catch on. It would just take her a little longer.

The close, inseparable, relationship between the sisters faded. Suzie had always felt she was in Sally’s shadow. She never felt she was good enough.

Suzie never understood why she wasn’t like Sally. Her parents always praised Sally. She had all the friends at school and learning was easy for her.

Suzie withdrew, more and more, into her own little world she created. Where she didn’t have to listen to the criticisms from her family. She knew she was smart. Things just took her a little longer to learn.

Suzie’s teacher had noticed the change in her. She was not as focused in school as she once had been. She asked her to stay after class to see if she could find out the reason why this change has happened.

The class was over and Suzie sat quietly at her desk. She had no idea why her teacher had asked her to stay after class. She couldn’t be in trouble, or so she hoped. Her teacher approached her desk and sat down next to her at a desk beside her.

“Suzie, I asked you to stay after class, not because you are in trouble. I have noticed a change in you. You are much quieter and do not participate like you used to. Is there something I can do to help? Is someone bothering you?”

Suzie looked up at her teacher and began to speak, with sadness in her eyes, “I am not like my sister. Everything is so easy for her. She gets good grades and has lots of friends. I am not like her but I wish I was.”

Suzie’s teacher sat for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. She looked into Suzie’s face, as she spoke. She knew this was a huge burden for Suzie.

“Suzie, we are created differently. You look identical to your sister but you are unique in your own way. We learn in different ways. Your sister finds it easy to learn from books. You, on the other hand, need visual cues to learn. You need images, graphs, illustrations, and colors. I noticed this when you became my student. You are a visual learner. You are just as smart as your sister. Always remember this. Just say these words to me or any future teachers – show me –. We will understand.”

Suzie smiled and hugged her teacher. She left the classroom and headed home. Her sister had, already, headed towards home. She had heard Suzie had to stay after class to talk with her teacher.

As Suzie walked home, by herself, she continued to smile. Her teacher made her feel good about herself. She was happy her teacher had asked her to stay after class and she wasn’t in trouble.

Now, she knows she is not different and she is smart. She is just as smart as others, including her sister. She just has a unique way of learning. She began to run the rest of the way home wanting to tell her mom what her teacher had said. “Show me.” The two little words that will change everything for her.

Written by: Angel

“I, too, am visual learner, like Suzie. I had the privilege, in high school, to have teachers who used visuals aids in their everyday teaching styles. Now, as an ESL teacher, I use visual aids, in my teaching style. From facial expressions, to running around the classroom, to drawing stick figures on the whiteboard. A huge thank you to all the teachers, in the world ,who make a difference in a student’s life” – Angel

If you appreciate what I do:

https://ko-fi.com/morningangel84721345

Follow me on:

Instagram: morningangel847

Twitter: AngelOfTheMorn5

Vocabulary:

inseparable – adjective: always together

identical – adjective: similar or exactly alike in appearance

outspoken – adjective: direct and open opinion

reassured – verb: remove doubts or fears

excelled – verb : exceptionally good

catch on -phrasal verb: understand what or how

praised -verb: individuals respect or gratitude

withdrew -verb: leave a place or situation

criticism – noun: disapproval of someone or something

focused- verb: pay particular attention

approached– verb: come near

participate -verb: take part in an action

created – verb: bring (something) into existence

unique – adjective: one of a kind

Question( s ):

Did you every have a teacher, like Suzie’s, to care and encourage you?

Did you have a unique way to help you study? (example: visuals, songs or word association)